


tell me again

by jenhyung



Series: heartbreak hotel [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 23:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15230211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenhyung/pseuds/jenhyung
Summary: That you love me. — Doyoung / Taeyong (Canon!AU)





	tell me again

**Author's Note:**

> 1k+ of this was a mistake ;; (also a prompt from twitter so, don't take this too seriously ;;) not betaed, not good

Doyoung is not a believer in the sixth sense, but he doesn’t need an extra eye to figure that something’s _wrong_. Taeil and Youngho are keeping mum about it, so are Jaehyun and Yuta. The rest seem to be genuinely, blissfully unaware, and it’s not until a Saturday night that he manages to catch the source of his confusion in his room.

“Are you ignoring me?”

Taeyong folds his arms across his chest, fingers sinking tightly into his cotton sleep-shirt, “I’m standing right here, aren’t I?”

Doyoung feels his heart drop at his boyfriend’s sobriety, voice dull and low, very unlike the loving one Doyoung’s used to hearing. He knows Taeyong, knows Taeyong inside and out, he likes to brag, and he knows enough now that something is _terribly_ wrong.

Immediately, Doyoung’s hand falls from the door knob, hand outstretched to reach for Taeyong, “What – ”

Taeyong dodges, slipping past Doyoung in a beeline for the door.

Doyoung thinks quick, grabbing onto Taeyong’s elbow just as he’s about to reach the knob. He hurries to hold Taeyong still, mind whizzing, breath quickening, _What’s going on?_

“Nothing,” Taeyong grits, shaking Doyoung off without a care. “It’s late, I have to – ”

“Don’t _hide_ – ” Doyoung bites on his tongue, hearing how sharp it sounds with just a breath. He grabs onto the knob, guarding the door with his life. “Don’t hide from me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Taeyong’s gaze hardens, but his inhales are shuddery, and his lips are near bruised because he’s been chewing on them so roughly. Doyoung wants nothing more than to find out what the hell is happening.

“You can tell me,” Doyoung assures, nodding slowly.

Taeyong sighs, long and painful, “Let’s stop this.”

Doyoung blinks, “Stop what?”

“This,” Taeyong jerks his chin at the space between them, arms still pressed tightly to himself. “ _Us_. Whatever it was, whatever it wasn’t. Let’s – stop.”

Doyoung’s chest crumples, and the pressure at the back of his eyes are immediate, “What?”

“You heard me,” Taeyong says bitterly, turning his gaze to the ground now. “I know it’ll take us a while to get back to normal, and I’ll try my best not to let it show when we’re with the others or – ”

“No!” Doyoung’s limbs feel like they’ve rusted, locked into place, rendering him useless. “No, no, _no,_ what are you – what are you _saying_? You want to – to break up?”

Taeyong inhales sharply, but his head hangs low, and Doyoung is _dying_ to look at his sweet, loving boyfriend in the eyes, the only pair in the world that look like they’re always just only looking at him. The only pair in the world that mattered to him.

“Yeah, so,” Taeyong takes a deep breath. _Cold_. “Move. I want to get out of here.”

“No,” Doyoung shakes his head jerkily. “No, you can’t just – _decide_ , without – no, you can’t – ”

“Please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“What?” Doyoung retorts, a little anger starting to simmer, “You’re the one that’s bringing this up without reason and not telling me anything! I haven’t done _anything_ , I just want – ”

“You said you hated me,” Taeyong cuts him off, finally lifting his head to reveal tear stained cheeks. Doyoung clamps his mouth shut. “You said you hated me on a broadcast, you – ”

“That’s because – ”

“You – you – ” Taeyong sniffs, wiping at his overflowing tears, something Doyoung so badly wants to do instead, but his limbs remain locked. “You said you hated me on a broadcast where millions of people were watching, you said you hated me during dance practice when I was – trying to help you with – your dancing, you said you hated me at – dinner when I – I – tried to – to sit next to you, you said – ”

Doyoung defends, “I don’t mean it when I – I would _never_ – I was just playing the part, I was just joking, I didn’t – ”

“Yeah, well, it’s not _funny_.” Taeyong cries, anger and frustration clear as day. “I know – but it’s not funny. I ignored it the first hundred times – the times you would say you didn’t want to be alone with me, or – that you hated me so much that you couldn’t stand breathing the same air as me, I – ”

“You can’t possibly – ”

“I ignored it because you said it on broadcasts,” Taeyong has his eyes closed again, breathing deeply like he were trying to collect himself from – breaking apart. “I ignored it because you would find me every night – and – and tell me you loved me. You would – let me into your bed – and I would know that it was real.” He breath stutters, “That you loved me.”

Doyoung pushes himself off the door, and Taeyong instantaneously backs away, shoulders rising up to his ears, “Please, _please_ , don’t – do this. You know I – love you, you _know_ it. Please don’t – the things, I say, it’s an act, you know this, you – ”

“I don’t know anything,” Taeyong says quietly, broken and hurting and, “All I know is that I’ve been going to bed thinking whether or not you’ve gotten sick of me.”

“Taeyong, no – ” His voice cracks, “Don’t – ”

“I don’t know anything,” Taeyong hiccups, shaking, _shaking_. “I just know that – you don’t love me anymore. You don’t – you don’t love me anymore and your words make me feel like I’m nothing, like I’m just like everyone else, but even _worse._ You – it makes me think I’m not – I’m not the one for you, like I never matter because you hate me and – ”

Taeyong looks up, tired and afraid, “If you hate me, then tell me. Tell me – so that I _know._ Tell me so that I don’t go crazy thinking and thinking whenever I see you with someone else, wondering if you’re trying to get me to break up with you so that you don’t have to do it. Tell me so I know what I’m supposed to feel every time you say it in front of a hundred cameras, when you say it in front of our closest friends.

“Tell me so that we can end it – and I can let you go, so that I won’t stay up watching my bedroom door, hoping – _wishing_ you’d come and tell me you love me.”

“Tell me, so that I can stop – trying.”

Doyoung blinks, his own tears rolling down his cheeks. The words are heavy, yanking him down to a bottomless pit that would have Doyoung clawing his way out, because it’s _true._

It’s true that he’s been taking it too far. He knows it; the number of times Taeil has tried to warn him about it, the number of times Youngho has kicked him under the table for it, the number of times he’s caught Yuta and Jaehyun exchange worried glances.

But that – it’s not –

Doyoung looks up from where he’s staring at Taeyong’s chest, unable to look him in the eye. With a fleeting moment of bravery he looks up, catching sigh of Taeyong’s blotchy cheeks and puffy eyes and swollen lips.

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung starts. Taeyong’s breath catches, _This is it_. “I’m sorry, but – ”

“ – I’m not giving up.”

Taeyong makes no movement, sans the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

“I have no doubt about my feelings for you,” Doyoung goes on. “I’m sorry – I never thought you’d ever take me seriously when I – tried to – play the character, you – I have _never_ meant any of it.”

Taeyong edges away, “Don’t – I see the way you look at me sometimes, you really hate being around me – ”

“But I _don’t_ ,” Doyoung heaves, desperation so raw that he hopes Taeyong would trust him even just a sliver. “I – think about being around you all the time. I think about talking and laughing with you, I think – I think about touching you, and – and – kissing you, and sometimes I have to – walk away because I wouldn’t be able to – not kiss you.”

“Please don’t lie to me, Doyoung, I’m – ”

“I’m _not_ lying.”

“Doyoung – ”

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung barrels forward. “I’m sorry I made you think – that I made you think all those – things, but I’m _not_ lying. I’m not lying – I love you and I’m the only one for you, and I’m sorry – I’m sorry I hurt you, I didn’t – I’m sorry, but I’m telling you I love you. I love you, and don’t – please don’t stop trying, that’s what I’m telling you.”

He sees, Taeyong’s shoulder slumping, a sign he’s lowering his defenses, and so he moves, hand outstretched, careful and slow, the situation delicate and fragile. Taeyong freezes, but he doesn’t back away, and Doyoung stomps on his nerves, cupping Taeyong’s tear-stained cheek with a trembling hand.

At the touch, Taeyong winces, and he closes his eyes. Still.

“I love you,” Doyoung says. “I love you. I’m sorry, I didn’t – notice you were hurting, I’m sorry.”

“It’s – ” Taeyong swallows thickly. “It’s okay.”

“No, I’m – ” Doyoung steps closer, wondering if Taeyong would accept a hug. He reaches out to touch Taeyong’s arms, still folded across his chest, “Please?”

Taeyong fights it, holding his breath, “What?”

“Please look at me,” Doyoung pleads, wiping at what he can of Taeyong’s tears with the pad of his thumb. “I want you to see that I mean it. When I say I love you.”

Fortune favors the bold, Taeyong exhales first, long and silent. And he opens his eyes second, bloodshot.

Doyoung grabs Taeyong by the cheeks, as gently as possible still with as much promise he can muster, even from the bottomless pit of nothing within him,

“I love you. Please – don’t ever doubt it. I’ll tell you every day, I’ll remind you just how much – ”

“Don’t just – ”

“I’ll tell you every day,” Doyoung vows. “But you – have to tell me if I ever cross the line. You _have_ to tell me because I never – want you to feel this way again. I never want you hurting because you – think I don’t love you anymore. You have to tell me,” he holds their gaze steady, “You have to tell me so that I can tell you that you’re wrong – because I love you.”

“Promise me.”

Taeyong closes his eyes, “I promise.”

“I love you. You’re the one for me. The only one for me.” Doyoung mumbles, “I – I just love you, you have to know. Please don’t be hurt anymore, okay? Don’t – I love you, so please don’t forget it. Don’t forget that I love you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Promise me,” Doyoung whispers, giving into his desires and ghosting his lips over Taeyong’s.

“I promise,” Taeyong breathes.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Lips touch. All is well,

for now.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/jenhyungs) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jenhyung)


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